never go..never come back!

sun on head, the city on my view...all around grids n gadgets..with only roads of hundred of random cars, and human figures of 1 inches.. and a combo of rom-sad-faith song.. and a mild headache.. always longing for this crowded loneliness.. want to stay late, may be very late.. may be never want to return back..

am feeling am my own colleague,I can see me in the infront of me and I can myself next to me.. with a lappy and a cell, an ID, a paper pad and pen... and a smile on face.. and an empty eyes! I feel them as my blur friend..

i like this line: tu na jaane ass pass hai khuda...

Something called time teaches

With my last post I thought of doing more blogging, more frequent blog visiting but thoughts are more of thoughts [:P] and I have realized that if this blogger's can come up with some mind blogging feature then am sure I can do more of blog writings [:D] instance for this one is from last evening when I was waiting around the car for my da to come..I started thinking things what I will write in blog as if I was typing hard there. [:P] My brain key strokes work more efficiently then I can do am sure.

This is my third day in the office, no room but with many resources on hand. A trainer from aus- land and a dedicated piece of workstation to perform no work. I heartily hate IE older version and that was the only browser I could see on dumb terminal, when I said this to the other person ..he smiled and said .."why don't you download chrome?" ...gosh!! for a moment I was wondering is that god forgot to give me some sense which makes life bit more easier [:D] Thank god! the answer was a big NO! The only thing is the sense requires a bit of more time then others, so I explored the operating system to find a solution [:P]. Work I am suppose to do is something which I'll not discuss but its not interesting is fair enough to say. No I didn't fret or creep on this silly point as i do have many other things to follow on...I have many lessons to take, many things to do and find a better life than making only one wonderful but ending job.

Now when I come back its pretty late, a darker night following and no shop left to do some xyz shopping. Just walk down or take a ride and come back, its occupying and am saving my evenings from usual nothing do and being killed. Even after been frustrated over many things I was not actually creeping or angry or blaming or etc etc... but instead found a common point person and played with the problems. Partied with the jokes on all things where you are helpless. May be only you are the person who can find the solution, happiness is the key and if we stroke it then only it will reflect something. Since long I was missing, I was never like this. May be expectations, desire, need, loneliness, newness and i guess every other thing which makes everyone happy I wanted to be gifted by others. [:)] In no sense it mean that moving away from the helpless situation, because open holes of problem are alway deep shit points.

I don't know what changed me, but till yesterday I hated the moments less energetic and no enthusiasm to work affirmatively to gain something but I want so many things all together from this one life. May be the best description for this moment can be given with these lines

run run to find the world around

run run to see the one life you found

keep a mirror to see the wrinkle you earned

Appreciate things they preached and you learned

Find a open heart to accept you as you are,

slip down to a shoulder and cry to remain as you are...

Enjoying every moment is a bliss

god have given you the art to do, so don't piss

and stay all along healthy to run and burn

Colors and Canvas

A few paintings which I have started to see how I still remember the colors and movement of free style painting.

I am an extreme thinker, may be people who all know me..also are aware how engrossedly am into any particular thing. I have tendency to learn but only things I want to.

The above two paintings are extended version of someone's else Painting or thought but significantly they have special place for me and will remain in the same way forever.[:)]

This third painting is my thought, Strangely it have no reference and its soul occurrence is my thoughtful mind.

Painting is part of my life. I see the whole word with my colorful eyes. Hope the color doesn't gets finish anytime.

re post to a post

I am minimally thought full. I pretty much don’t know what exactly this sentence mean like. Howsoever am going to pour down the down dumb of my mind. Let me start with the music I had, to avoid any interference to do my homework. The list is long enough to describe but again when it comes to listening radio, it is never continuous and so the “back-forth” movement of the channels wasted the groove time. My morphing list goes like :
-> Ya rabba
-> Bavra mann dekhne chala ek sapna
-> Ishq tere khub nachaya
-> Jab bhi zara tumne chuaa zindagi halki..
-> kahin to, kahin to hogi wo duniya jahan..
-> Tu hi mera saara jahan hai..
-> Teri ore
-> Jaagte raho, haatheli khulne lagi...
-> Tu muskura..
->Tu hi to meri dost hai
-> Rehna tu hai jaise tu..
-> Maula maula maula mere maula
-> Kabhi aisa lagta hai dil mein ek aaz hai...
-> Blurrrr bluurrr blurrrr
No this last one is definitely not the music I was listening as in but after this many good songs I didn’t find any old, remix or any other affluenced songs to spoil my ear drums soothe. Good enough to say I was finishing my chapter so bit in good mood to write the kick.
The day is Tuesday, A scheduled holiday for the day but dunno either fortunately or unfortunately was attending “life skills” session for 4 hours. Knowing this ohh-hood awful thing comes into my mind “ FOUR brand hours?!?!?!” the second thought which strikes on “How will I stop my eyes to stick or how well I will be able to maintain the distance between the eyelids????” . Ask me I can answer any of these question now. Relatively the answer to the question 1 is ‘Yes’ four good learning fruitful hours and answer to question 2 is I didn’t yawn in any way in the PDP class. I am pretty good in sleeping inside classroom. I can be found half a way sleepy anytime if the class is of no use to me. Practically self analysis is required after attainment of any such class then only they are worthful. I did may be I cannot touch all the stuff said by that 45+ guy named ‘Sandeep’ but can atleast hold on the backyard stuff to bring it in front some day. These remembrances also can be formulated into a small list, so here they go
Don’t pretend.
Don’t let things spoil your mood. Be capable enough to handle them.
Never over understand the person
“Don’t, won’t, can’t” keep them in yourself side log, not in main course.
Be not in controversies
Never be defensive, don’t cast excuses
Don’t get packed baggage’s
Smile always
Relax back to not to be offensive to the situation as seen
Do your work with utter passion but with patient attitude
Do menial things also to be learned one.
Well many more points which are chuting are so raw that am not crunchy in writing them as I want them. There was so many things to follow but basic is all we know each of the content he spoke there. We don’t need any class. But we only need only a piece of mind which implicates all peace and above said 11 dot points.
I wrote this in my space to fill the gap between I and me. Supposedly reading these points over time will evaluate me as a human.

I caught rain here!

This is like 5 or 6th edit post, I am trying hard since last one week to post to write the fact and my change in life those I have seen and felt in last 6 months...may be the post which is more like life after Bansathali.

But...I guess I cannot write all in one GO! So let me put things as they have touched me, the latest is the rain. I caught rain here!
When initially I came here, People around me told me that, Gurgaon is less rain seeking place. the information floated as, its humid and hot ..dusty. Sigh!!! For me the thought was something instantaneous as less rain, no clouds, absence of that pleasing fragrance of the wet soil,no clear sky..Life is impossible for me without this natural phenomena.

I still remember, way back from my school days..I use to go to the school on my cycle(Kido cycle!) for every rainy season my mom use to run from kitchen to clarify weather I have taken 'raincoat' along?!?!. Given all conditions I use to say a clear and a loud YES..but whenever countered with the rain drops after school when am returning to home, the thought for raincoat use to vanish. I use to take all the way a exotic ride over and out on my cycle. Thankfully mom never took me too offensively but remarkingly use to comment.."Aabaar!!"(again!!) [:D]

Now, if am at office, I don't want to steer myself with misty clouds and its droplet albeit I want to. Simple reason...first one is no messing out with the washed cloths and secondly, new mobile and its protection criteria.[ :)] but have tried hard to gradually feel the drops putting the two condition on its place. I ran crazy after the places around my room in PG to find where I can touch drops, catch n hold the wetness of nature. Saturday the rain started, Sometimes back while watching an Oriya serial learned that if any rain starts on saturday, it follows entire week. similar thing happened..it started on Saturday by Sunday morning same cloudy and watery was there, I got up as if I need to jump out to attend another meeting at 5:30a.m [:P] but my purpose was only to see the weather out from my special window. It was awesome. I felt the nature's love! the hill around and the hanging cloud or other way round ..the colud lining over the hill as if where to showcase for the day

That entire day went on gazing out of my window and following the pics. As the things where touching me, I was trying hard to capture those. I did, and sharing them here.

Some birds are thirsty for this cloud to come down

A few of dusty leave wits the presence by dancing round n round

Who knows the meaning of lifting hands to hold you

are ones you can hold on back and drench too..

Its all the same, its all again you as nothing new!!!

but its only the feel of divine is as always like the first dew.
Rain Rain...here you come again

Random Post

Few random and good lines I have read/heard today....

Tu hi bataa e dil mere
Maine to hamesha tera hi kaha… maana hai
Kyun hai mujhe ye gum ghere
Mujhe umar kya bas yehi sazaa paana hai
Sapne buyo maine aur dard maine hai kaate
Gaaye geet maine aur paaye maine sanaate
Aarzoo… nakaam hai
Suni si… har shaam hai

Lots of things go unquestioned,lot of questions go unanswered,few words go unsaid. few go unheard,some dreamz r born dead,some r buried alive.........................................................DATS LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jaane naa kahan wo duniya hai,
Jaane naa wo hai bhi ya nahi,
Jahan meri zindagi mujhse,
Itni khafa nahi..

I have learnt here everyone is single, everyone is looking for another person, everyone is envying...so never feel this is something happening to you only. So said be an individual( my observation )


P.S. I am not sad or low. As these are part of some sad songs but they are catch to me quite a while.

One Day of this kind!

A bliss wrapped in a gust of air,
A peace spaced in somewhere inside the darkness,
One solo walk in a crowded city
or just a small thing which comes to give special happiness ...


Everyone desires! Even god as humans cried for the same. I desired a day of this kind after a long time. A bliss: kind where I discovered few words of break-out from the uncomfortable zone of silence. I glanced at the positive energy and I found a new life again to compete. A peace: taking the same as given by others, Somehow realized that one have to be more seeking for the positive rays rather than counting the dark phases of life. I am independent and different.

After coming back to home had some great walk. walking on the building ramp. walking all around 11 floors and have seen the gradual distance between the earth and sky. The things were so big and then so tiny. The sky was dusty...smoky and then dark with pale half eaten moon hanging. The highway across following linearly stretching arms where number of cars rushing around to get back. and an unnamed rang running around the city. All together wanted to capture the silence of each permanent member but cell was not in the nite mode so things are lying within me....and now a part here :)

I love just loneliness of sky and road. As they seems to be parallel to me. It is some good day without any special event but I know that 2 - 3 mins I will always carry in me for rest of the days. They all together made my day!