Am free

When wanted to be in joy lied with pain
Where thought for pain refiled by happiness
story of mysteries about next moment finishes
...with a start of new mystery...
Its almost an incredible journey I had till yet
A moment crunches me but I am learned to be me
Can say am free to be me,

I was waiting for a miracle from long
a strange story to be narrated from my chapters
I have story now, different from any could have
I am sad about its many lines
but happy about its strength as it built me till yet
Proudly am one fact of my way
Can say am free to be me,

shattered by every dreams I dreamt
Either of open or close eye promised unsuitable of all
whom to blame, its me who hurts me.
I am unworthy to guard own self
But I can say the fact I feel for everyone
and courageous to hold on myself from being grounded
my weakness turned to be my my belief
Am stronger than ever before
ever before of being oneself and I love "I"

am strength of myself till yet
So can say am free to be me.

Happyness :)

These are some lines from a wonderful movie I have ever seen in life ....The best part of the movie is the way a human can live when he is living in scarcity to come up with a moment of happyness. A genuine struggle to be counted as single one among billions. I wish I ever be that strong stuff, brutally killing sadness just around open and close eyes as he did. Am quoting some amazing lines from movie while smith is conversing to his kid in basket ball court. Just when he was into one among twenty probable stock brokers.

" hey!! Don't let somebody tell you that you can't do some...not even me(dad)...alrite! alrite(son).Got a dream, got to protect it. People can't do something themselves, they want to tell you cannot do it. You want some, go get it within period..."

" You got to trust me...you trust me(dad)...I trust you(dad)".

For this movie I have three best to things to write. Firstly, the music while casting. Secondly, the lines I wrote here above and last one is when he is appointed and he says with wetted eyes in crowd as "This part of my life is HAPPYNESS". Just a movie if I might have no mentioned in my blog that must have been very very unfair. So something about the pursuit of happyness.

Hostel and Me

I want to write for now something, may be more than something. Last few days have been so rocking. I guess I can write this word because found all of the rocks hitting so hard suddenly. If I, I describe my institute in one word, it would be definitely - " Enigma". Who gifted all rocks.

I wanted to be this place when I was to be somewhere and second time I have have to this place and all the time I blamed others for this. I know it's so unfair in ma part. I got to learn so much from this place. Among all of them is - To be fighter. Wherever and whatever you do try hardest of ever hard you might have done in your life. I guess I have understood that battle up for every little thing is required otherwise you won't know what importance it is having? and most importantly, you will not have the one moment of having things done in your life forever. I guess for this very reason I still remember the very special moment of washing my clothes in first year of graduation though had fever after that, a sever one during finals or take the other day from my second year from grad. washing dishes down in hand pump. Will not attempt to do so after I leave this place ever ever in my life but this is special because I am not ..."not a delicate doll" and will die with a satisfaction that I know what life means in dark while when I have always been living in complete colors.

But not always that you are warrior and can lift your sword to defeat everyone. I guess, I can't all time like will smith in movie - The pursuit of happyness. He was ready to destroy the destruction onto his path. If I think so then might be I have to go entirely against of my college and administration. There are thousand and one reasons to this I have. Dress, Food, Communication and most importantly not the last one Freedom. I lost it long back and somehow I know I don't deserve it. Since last week I am slaughtered by thoughts of being caught of having cell to talk to my parents and big bro. Isn't it quite unfair. Yes it is.

Having Exams hanging around one corner and to another is my result of last sems. Ahhhh gosh! hope someone can speak in better manner than me what dilemma I am living upto. Holding many threads of tides, one is already broken. Wish can save others.

Love With Violin ?!?!

Light brown, four wires stretching arms to arms, a little instrument and my dream on hand. Perhaps it is somehow like a dream to hold violin in classic manner in shoulder with up straight horse haired bow. Though I admit I have no idea of making strokes, just incited the bow up and down swinging without rhythm also to make some noise. Which I, I personally proudly can say that I played ~~violin.
In my institute, many instruments including ownself musics are taught. I am an insect of music who can run some line of unheard beats. I dare to mark this. From last few days talking about some sort of music made me understand music with no words is what I like utmost . I believe and that too very strongly sometimes when we are not in our energy and grounded by every external force just simply closing down eyes to listen music makes relaxed. I guess...if one know to play it, what more required. Even in solitude, one is accompanied with best pals.

Lately when discussing in group about skills, I felt one more column will add to my resume ..if and if I learn music of some kind. Fact is far from what I felt. I just wanted to increase a patient listener and who's louder enough to make everyone feel more than I can explain...about my presence among crowd. Since as kinder datum, wanted to learn music but few things never permitted and admitting I also didn't accepted as when it came. It arrived in form of Guitar, beaks , beats and bar. I know how to strike the five strings of hawain guitar and ever interested in that much but indeed was fascinated about unguided instrument. Around my hometown no teacher was there who could meet my demand.
I spent four years in this place and left with just one and half year. Flying thoughts of joining violin was honoured today when actually handled delicate, little, four string instrument with a bow. I was lighted as if a fuel is set onto fire upon a matchstick. Now its my goal to learn bestest violin before am finished with one and half more year to this place. I guess I am back to hell to find the truth that always heaven also surrounds us if we wish to see. A little box is quite empty to stuff more and more...I wish it should be empty until ever to be stuffed.