I never started writing to follow the concept of blogging. I know how creepy I am in putting my feelings. I think hundred and hundred times to speak what I want. So I started putting things on dairy and remained untouched to my blog. Whenever I came to write it was my hard core words and immature writings that I didn't wanted to publish at all. So now I have deleted all my brand 16. God!!! 16 unsaid writings from me. This is all the new one I started with.
All reason to stop writing was to start speaking out the block-ups. When I tried, no one around was there to listen. Instead all points where broken down into small chunks with negations! I understood by this way, I will be never clear to myself. I will struggle, crash and find no place to move ahead. " write when unable to speak" was my concept but if not said then will be unheard. One has to remember it as well
Well when am writing this post, I am in office and siting in my cubical. The other 3 partition of my desk are vacant and I hardly talk to them. This my life where I have forgotten to laugh. Laugh like aloud LAUGH. Others new it well to manage the loneliness but my journey is sometime new. I am one STRANGER to myself. Last 5 and half years where easy moving. I had my family. Around me at least someone caring for everything I do. Appreciated and sometime criticized. Both required to grow and move.
Amazingly some secrete admirers where found, some tried to figure oneself with some different quality. After been to this new place every moment is different. Am asking myself everyday.....how to go easy with this new day? what kind of people for lunch today? When to come back? how much to work? when to study? When to say am not fine and the biggest question..."HOW TO SAY THESE ALL?" I know its difficult to go out of a worldly place but I guess its really difficult to come back into new season alone.
I can see a fish in fish bowl. IT tries to make a hug around the screen of the bowl.It tries and comes back into the shallow but tries to reach the screen again and again.It really doesn't have any idea how life out of that screen will be...Since few years it was the same for me.
on final note ....some unknown words...
I want to find the sun,
I want to open the eyes...
to eat the energy, to drink the strength...
to see the world around.
To reflect the light back,the absorbed light.
I am lost, I want to look for me,
I am lost, I want to look for me again!
