back to write

I never started writing to follow the concept of blogging. I know how creepy I am in putting my feelings. I think hundred and hundred times to speak what I want. So I started putting things on dairy and remained untouched to my blog. Whenever I came to write it was my hard core words and immature writings that I didn't wanted to publish at all. So now I have deleted all my brand 16. God!!! 16 unsaid writings from me. This is all the new one I started with.

All reason to stop writing was to start speaking out the block-ups. When I tried, no one around was there to listen. Instead all points where broken down into small chunks with negations! I understood by this way, I will be never clear to myself. I will struggle, crash and find no place to move ahead. " write when unable to speak" was my concept but if not said then will be unheard. One has to remember it as well

Well when am writing this post, I am in office and siting in my cubical. The other 3 partition of my desk are vacant and I hardly talk to them. This my life where I have forgotten to laugh. Laugh like aloud LAUGH. Others new it well to manage the loneliness but my journey is sometime new. I am one STRANGER to myself. Last 5 and half years where easy moving. I had my family. Around me at least someone caring for everything I do. Appreciated and sometime criticized. Both required to grow and move.

Amazingly some secrete admirers where found, some tried to figure oneself with some different quality. After been to this new place every moment is different. Am asking myself everyday.....how to go easy with this new day? what kind of people for lunch today? When to come back? how much to work? when to study? When to say am not fine and the biggest question..."HOW TO SAY THESE ALL?" I know its difficult to go out of a worldly place but I guess its really difficult to come back into new season alone.

I can see a fish in fish bowl. IT tries to make a hug around the screen of the bowl.It tries and comes back into the shallow but tries to reach the screen again and again.It really doesn't have any idea how life out of that screen will be...Since few years it was the same for me.


on final note ....some unknown words...

I want to find the sun,
I want to open the eyes...
to eat the energy, to drink the strength...
to see the world around.
To reflect the light back,the absorbed light.
I am lost, I want to look for me,
I am lost, I want to look for me again!

Class and class

I am minimally thought full. I pretty much don’t know what exactly this sentence mean like. Howsoever am going to pour down the down dumb of my mind. Let me start with the music I had, to avoid any interference to do my homework. The list is long enough to describe but again when it comes to listening radio, it is never continuous and so the “back-forth” movement of the channels wasted the groove time. My morphing list goes like :

-> Ya rabba

-> Bavra mann dekhne chala ek sapna

-> Ishq tere khub nachaya

-> Jab bhi zara tumne chuaa zindagi halki..

-> kahin to, kahin to hogi wo duniya jahan..

-> Tu hi mera saara jahan hai..

-> Teri ore

-> Jaagte raho, haatheli khulne lagi...

-> Tu muskura..

->Tu hi to meri dost hai

-> Rehna tu hai jaise tu..

-> Maula maula maula mere maula

-> Kabhi aisa lagta hai dil mein ek aaz hai...

-> Blurrrr bluurrr blurrrr

No this last one is definitely not the music I was listening as in but after this many good songs I didn’t find any old, remix or any other affluenced songs to spoil my ear drums soothe. Good enough to say I was finishing my chapter so bit in good mood to write the kick.

The day is Tuesday, A scheduled holiday for the day but dunno either fortunately or unfortunately was attending “life skills” session for 4 hours. Knowing this ohh-hood awful thing comes into my mind “ FOUR brand hours?!?!?!” the second thought which strikes on “How will I stop my eyes to stick or how well I will be able to maintain the distance between the eyelids????” . Ask me I can answer any of these question now. Relatively the answer to the question 1 is ‘Yes’ four good learning fruitful hours and answer to question 2 is I didn’t yawn in any way in the PDP class. I am pretty good in sleeping inside classroom. I can be found half a way sleepy anytime if the class is of no use to me. Practically self analysis is required after attainment of any such class then only they are worthful. I did may be I cannot touch all the stuff said by that 45+ guy named ‘Sandeep’ but can atleast hold on the backyard stuff to bring it in front some day. These remembrances also can be formulated into a small list, so here they go

1. Don’t pretend.
2. Don’t let things spoil your mood. Be capable enough to handle them.
3. Never over understand the person
4. “Don’t, won’t, can’t” keep them in yourself side log, not in main course.
5. Be not in controversies
6. Never be defensive, don’t cast excuses
7. Don’t get packed baggage’s
8. Smile always
9. Relax back to not to be offensive to the situation as seen
10. Do your work with utter passion but with patient attitude
11. Do menial things also to be learned one.

Well many more points which are chuting are so raw that am not crunchy in writing them as I want them. There was so many things to follow but basic is all we know each of the content he spoke there. We don’t need any class. But we only need only a piece of mind which implicates all peace and above said 11 dot points.

I wrote this in my space to fill the gap between I and me. Supposedly reading these points over time will evaluate me as a human.

How should I blog?!?!?!?!

I quite dunno whether I should blog or the question I have is how should I blog ???? Should I write all the little things I observe, I smile alone and things which annoy me all the way in a day. Is that all blogging is all about?!? I don't know anything exactly. Today when I want to write the worst feeling of my heart. which I owe to the condition of my destiny, I am shortening with words to put it down.

I saw a little tweet fly trying to set itself along within a tiny loofy leaf. It tried all its best to sit and adjust within. Many a time crocked and went up and down. I was attending an extra class of Java. Our teacher gives little limit to see around as he is so busy with the stuff to teach but he couldn't stop me from getting drowned with the pre-prior-occupied thoughts of my mine. So revolving with them I was with the fly, moving all along with its wings. Jumping perk took all my eyes to keep on tracking its path and saw the one adjusting to its limit to be there where it was juggling for. May be not at all special thing it may be but I was all set to see whether it will be able to make its mark or not. Finally when occupation of the concrete was done I felt as if I got something [:)]. I returned back to the class. As in joined the raw topics of applet, graphics , controls etc after the window tour. Later on analysing the wingy fellow, I realized that I kept on comparing myself with this unknown stuff and the leaf as of my current life. Want to settle with thousand and one things in life. even if write few of them here wont be able to convey the correct meaning so leave it.

Coming back from my classes, I was purely racing with the thoughts. Accompanied by 3 ppl on par but was too alone to explain the moth race going since morning. Absolutely there was no point to be in such a situation after all there wasn't any epicenter on which I was standing nor any hurricane will lift me down, then also my soul feels that it is endanger and something unknown is happening to me. When want to do something good for others I mixing up everything. Want to convey love I am landing with hate from people. OOOOOhhhhh!! no space left to explain the on going condition but one day may be will handful of all the answer and then will write my heeling thoughts as a post. For now I am not a blogger. Just another one to scribble the ongoing days.

After Effeeecct!!!

Just made a few comments on a blog of a friend. Just got the point " I do have a blog and some how I love writing. It only promotes the mind to fly without any blowing winds ".  Well things are changing rapidly. So the writing efforts are more than anytime usually. Dont know how to display the blurred thoughts of past few months. 

Change in relationship, change as a student and now feeling am changing as in person. Want to jump into a regular run. A pretty decent run for the existence. Now when I write this - am in confused state.  Because now I am known to few creeping mean people who exactly pushed my damn soul to keep myself fired for all 24 hours of the day for next few months. Looking ahead for placement and a certificate for network professional is never an easy task that too this flickering hours of recession.

Anyhow, I found that if am crushed for something then I can perform onto my best!! Now how to disregard those who have worsen my situation to be a friend and dislike them bitterly from bottom of my heart. Now am taking things positively, definitely this post is making a mark of my thought. So am still a friend to them and is all set to launch their ass to some  other planets to show the power of gentle disregard. I may sound cunning but this is professionalism.

Right onto my first foot and bit frowned. This is something I could have blabbered in front of others but with a good ability to write am striking it off to my blog!!

A mix-run-earn day

No crap is being so worth that I put it down it into the collection of these mess. How about writing about the day I had today. ok lemme!!! I was in pasty mood of studying today since morning and got the alarm fixed to 5 but made out of the bed at 9:48a.m.   Huh, with a prior thought of catching a friend ol. Am pretty good at manipulating things when I have to get up from bed. Planning of all day works over there. "When to get up, When to queue-up for shower, and when to have morning prayers"...many more!! After the master calculaion, a final result of exclusive saving of 5 mins or 10 mins is earned to extend morning idleness. Well comming back to the point, I wasted the entire day with half sleepy mood or being lethargic.  Lunch passed!!

Now the poking afternoon cooked my dreams and are always ready to serve. I was all set to study but started with Mayada, then a few starting lines of my textbook and finally landed with idea of surfing orkut. Cell and GPRS connections are responsible. After surfing all I had was a utter feeling of watching "slum dog..." All four of us started with the movie and in somewhere around the interval, I was off from my movie( slept!!!!). Suddenly felt the movie was turned around and the show was started again without being completed. YES!!! it was the scene as few jouniors were joining in. 

Fir, left for violin class. Had great class there as we were sitting and few of our seniors( in violin) were plaing the instrument. A pure yearn of doing something better than them kept on pinging me. Off from there at 5:45p.m then joined the Orkutting lab and later around 7 started with cisco lab. A pretty usual day out there.

Finally after landing back to hostel started with my packy thought, did studied atleast. Will try out to sustain even after making this post.

A mix-run-earn day. 

Who's me ..?
Days are longer with my work,
they cut short just when I am thinking about...
Sometimes I whisper to sky.."you saw my life somewhere away from me".
sometimes a smile stands by my lips as when I drifts into U.
around patches of time I search a moment of my world,
I'm scratching things to find the days around you, around me, around us.

Night have no mercy on little soul.
Its dark the same as always, Its lonely since long,
I am walking down along with hope accompanying me.
Am I right? Am I wrong ? I dunno may be.
but genuine is the belonging I have.
true is distance, true are the things are half.
Together day and night passes by same color,
everything is colorful from my soul,
all in all is faded from your window.
A quest to know deep down things grows always..but why??
And I can't play the role of slaughter..but why??
Who rules in my life? not me..but why!!
Who is in me?
who's me??

no trip!!

In thousand moments there might be one single second only when I can dare to say my feelings have not been crushed. Otherwise crushed feelings have taught to be strong and strong. I can write this after I learnt the fact of cancellation of my most awaited tour to south India. I have never been to south and so was quite keenly looking toward the journey but all is over and am landing in summer into my home. I enjoy leaning back down at home but was happy to go out with parents to some other place and for now am little bit down this no journey factor.
 
                                                                       I guess never ever plan things because almighty have your planning will rarely go with planned stuff. So for now ?I don't really know what have summer to do with me this time. I am fixed with study material...and guess should at least pretend to complete look into that.

Why I dunno things are moving faster than me..and am not like one who can maintain pace with running time? Everything is into its end without conating lots of stuff. Likewise this post its onto an end without too many stuffs from my heart and brain!!